"What is going on with my mood swings today?" ....I wondered to myself... But I just checked my "P tracker" app (which proudly displayed a single-digit number) and I know full well what my problem is today (well, that and the fact that I still haven't had any coffee this morning). I just wish I'd realized what was going on before my girls left for school.
When I woke up and came upstairs, the girls were so well behaved- dressed for school, willing to help get breakfast ready and even clean up. I started off the day in a great mood.
Then it happened.........
I became mean Mommy.
It must've happened when I looked at the clock and realized that, if they didn't start moving a little faster, the girls were going to be late for school. I started rushing them, which eventually turned into yelling, which turned into swearing- not so much *at* them, but more of a general cursing of everything that was going wrong around me. It want until they left for school that I realized that *I* was what was going wrong.
My urgency to get them out the door on time, but lack of a want to help them get ready. My wanting for them to get along, yet yelling at them for talking during breakfast because they "didn't have time" (god forbid they not finish their apples).
......I guess I should see it as a good thing that I realize this is going on, so I can take steps to change it, but now I just feel like a shitty mother. I don't want to be mean, or scare my kids into behaving. I don't expect every morning to go by smoothly, but I need to let things happen without flipping out over things that don't necessarily matter.
I love my kids and I want them to remember me as a loving mother, not as some crazy bitch who freaked out every time something went wrong.
So, herein lies the question: What can I do to change this behavior?
- I can make sure I'm well rested.... I'm no longer in my early twenties, bedtime shouldn't be after midnight anymore.
- I can make sure the kids are prepared ahead of time... Making sure they have what they need to get ready doesn't mean I'm taking away their independence.
- I can make sure *I'm* prepared ahead of time... I have sooo many breakfast recipes pinned on Pinterest, I have no excuse to not be at least a little better prepared most days. Hello, breakfast cookies that I can make a few days ahead of time.
.........I'm sure, no, I *know* that there are so many other things that I can change to improve myself and my attitude, but changes are easier in small doses.
